Spoiler Warning Scale
October 27th, 2011 by The Grey GhostExperiencing media in this generation is rife with peril. Thanks to the communication power of the internet, we must tread softly through our favorite news and social hubs to avoid the ruining of plot twists or first impressions. When did entertainment become a stressful chore?
While some geeks are hyper-sensitive to spoilers, I’m more relaxed…though not completely immune. I believe that there are degrees of spoiling; some instances more forgivable than others. To illustrate, I’ve put together a Spoiler Scale using an iconic movie that–if you were alive during the 1980s or for any time under a rock until now–has a variety of points to spoil for those who haven’t yet seen it: The Empire Strikes Back.
Grade F Spoilers (aka, Basically the Movie Poster):
- “They’re making a second Star Wars movie!”
- “Darth Vader survived!”
- “This movie’s going to have a snow planet, a swamp planet, and a sky city.”
Grade D Spoilers (aka, Trailer Spoilers):
- “Billy D. Williams is going to be in The Empire Strikes Back!”
- “Leia makes out with Luke!” (Note: This is before Return of the Jedi spoilers exist.)
- “Obi-Wan’s a ghost!”
Grade C Spoilers (aka, Creates a Wedge Between Good Friends):
- “The Empire Strikes Back will finally show what the Emporer looks like!”
- “Fuckin’ Lando sells everyone out!”
- “Threepio gets blowed up!”
Grade B Spoilers (aka, Criminal Offenses):
- “Han Solo gets frozen at the end and might be dead!”
- “They hid in a cave, but it wasn’t a cave!”
- “It looks like they’re going to make a third movie.”
Grade A Spoilers (aka, Grounds to End a Marriage):
- “Yoda’s the little green dude.”
- “Luke gets his hand all chopped off!”
- “Darth Vader is Luke’s father!”
Grade SS Spoilers (aka, Some Studio Intern’s Getting Fired)
- “When Yoda says ‘There is another,’ he means Leia is Luke’s twin.”
