When I dislike a movie, I tend not to get worked up over it. At best, the goofy ones will be valuable for a laugh or two later. But for movies that are simply garbage, I don’t waste a second thought and move on. However, if the circumstances are just right, a movie can evoke a mysterious rage from within.
Channeling this anger into something creative, I’m launching a new column for the site. I call it Reel Mad, where I deconstruct films that anger me so much, I burn calories hating them until the End of Days*. Expect it to be written, but like my rant on The Expendables, I may occasionally grab a mic.
The first in this series is Easy A.
The truth is that I wanted to like this movie! The premise was great! Girl does her gay friend a solid, there’s a big misunderstanding that paints her with a nasty reputation, and she embraces the exaggerated adulteress image to spite the misconception that a woman who has/enjoys sex that isn’t defined as a whore. That almost happened in the movie…but didn’t.
In preparation for our Highlander: The Search for Vengeance podcast, I took in a fresh viewing of the original Highlander film.
What makes this film so fun to watch is its villain, the Kurgan–arguably one of the top movie villains of all-time. I’ve come to realize, though, that one reason why he’s such a fascinating villain is because there’s a level where some part of us knows that he’s right.
The character is often described as a merciless conqueror, whose quest for The Prize is driven by desires to rule the world with it. These are very poor assumptions. In the 16th Century, the Kurgan is only a mercenary, hired by the Clan Fraser to help overtake the Clan Macleod. Connor’s head was his payment.
Nowhere in the course of the film does he suggest that he had an insatiable thirst to seize power. Nor does anyone for that matter–they only say that he is someone whose “wrong hands” the other immortals feared would reach it.
Happy Halloween, Ladies!
The Kurgan isn’t a conqueror; he’s an anarchist. What he’s actually after is freedom…and The Prize is his key to that in absolute. It couldn’t be more appropriate that in 1985, the Kurgan is depicted as a rebel punk, since it’s the prime subculture for anti-establishment.
I think it’s easy for us, as the audience, to demonize a character like that because deep down, there’s a part of us that envies him. Most of us have been indoctrinated with paradigms and structure that we’re instructed to follow. Doing “X” is “wrong” because it’s “against the rules” and if you break the rules, you’ll “get in trouble”. We spend our lives, cradle to grave, constructing and diligently maintaining our little house of cards.
Characters like the Kurgan shake us up because he demonstrates a practical flaw in our system: True consequence. Regardless of what constitutes your sense of ethics, life is what you can get away with.
The church scene in the movie (shown here) perfectly encapsulates the Kurgan as a character. He not only ignores, but goes out of his way to mock the church’s traditions and its patrons. He doesn’t care how it affects others around him because he knows that no one will stop him. At most, he’s asked politely to keep his voice down. The only reason he shaves his head is to avoid the police; a force he understands is capable of greatly interfering with his goals.
As a general bad guy, the Kurgan is a dick. It would no doubt be bad news for humanity if he gained The Prize. But dickery alone isn’t what propels him to being one of the greatest supervillains. It’s the little devil inside of each of us that draws contempt for him, since we secretly wish we had his power: The ability to say, do, and take whatever we felt like with the might to back it up.
Words fail me in describing my reaction to The Expendables. At least, written words. Put very simply: I didn’t like it. After several failed drafts, I finally just gathered my notes, fired up the mic, and spoke my peace about this movie.
**SPOILER WARNING!** Proceed with caution.
Since this is just myself and no Kevin for this round, it’s not to be considered part of the Method to Madness canon, though he and I might have a followup to this on the podcast in the future.
Awww… He’s a lover AND a fighter!
What is wrong with this picture? (Don't worry, you'll get two chances to guess.)
In the Method to Madness podcast, I’m joined with my good friend Kevin “The Business” Gray to discuss great anime and video games that you should be watching as well as ones you should feel ashamed you are watching.
The Last Airbender is the first of three films planned to theatrically retell the story of Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender in live-aciton. After a decade-long sabbatical from producing good movies, director M. Night Shyamalan sought this as his own personal “Star Wars Trilogy”. Tragically, he chose the wrong Star Wars trilogy.
I should warn you, I draw many parallels between The Last Airbender and Episodes I-III in this review, but only because they’re impossible to ignore.
Having recently seen the new trailer for The Last Airbender movie, I immediately sought out Avatar cosplay. One of the first truly impressive results from my search was this cosplay of Zuko’s main squeeze, Mai, portrayed by Ashe.
Pumpkin is cinematic cheesecake–little true nutritional value, but tastes soooo goood going down. You see, I like my humor the same way I like my beer and my chocolate: Dark and bitter.Pumpkin suites my tastes perfectly, rich with the blackest of comedy. In fact, don’t bother listening to this podcast; just go watch this movie.
In the Method to Madness podcast, I’m joined with my good friend Kevin “The Business” Gray to discuss great anime and video games that you should be watching as well as ones you should feel ashamed you are watching.
There was something I’d meant to mention in the most recent podcast; specifically around the subject of haunted vessels and “Homeboy Gon’ Fuck The Phantom”…
I’m reminded of a scene from a contemptible horror movie from 2002, titled Ghost Ship. The premise of the film is that a salvage crew journey to retrieve the hidden treasures of a sunken cruise ship…but it’s got g-g-g-ghosts!!!
The scene is of one crewman, seduced by a phantom temptress, being lured into dropping trou and positioning himself behind her to tap dat ethereal ass. To his surprise, he instead falls through her intangible form, plummeting to his death at the bottom of an elevator shaft.
Now, his first mistake was impatience. If I’m going to get to work behind a woman, it won’t be in a doorway. I can wait until she reaches a nearby wall or something that will offer some resistance to my efforts.
Not a good plan!
Furthermore, if I do intend on getting in while the getting’s good, even in mid-stride, I’d have to be in pon farr to not recognize an elevator shaft. Should I choose to believe that the woman weren’t already dead, I’d assume that she wouldn’t be far from it after my first thrust in front of an open elevator shaft.
What’s most unnerving is the reaction of his teammates upon discovering his carcass. The camera stays fixed on their reactions, with his fate just out of frame. They’re distressed that their friend has been found dead; gruesomely impaled on protruding rebar…but no one makes comment about his pants being around his ankles.
Seriously. Not one word. Not even a perplexed wince. If anyone jumped to the conclusion that he was taking a leak into the shaft when his assassin shoved him to his doom, they didn’t vocalize it. I suppose everyone just accepted that Greer died as he lived…
This is a cool sketch comedy recreation of Street Fighter Alpha 2. Whomever directed it must have been a genuine Street Fighter fan, given the level of detail applied. There’s no way that any TV show in America would clear the sweet use of pyrotechnics, especially the ones used in the Chun Li Vs. Bison fight. Also notice Sodom’s Engrish intro.
My personal favorite special effect was Sakura throwing a pie in the face of the superimposed fanboy. The effect of Sakura’s fireball can easily be done using a fog machine, an Airzooka, and a stage light.
In the Method to Madness podcast, I’m joined with my good friend Kevin “The Business” Gray to discuss great anime and video games that you should be watching as well as ones you should feel ashamed you are watching.
This episode, we discuss…
Friday the 13th part VII
(and other horror movies)
Happy Halloween! Kevin and I had so much fun with our Phantasm podcast, we decided to keep going on some of the other horror movies we know and love/hate. I figured that we’d might as well keep the mics hot and share it with all of you!
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