Words fail me in describing my reaction to The Expendables. At least, written words. Put very simply: I didn’t like it. After several failed drafts, I finally just gathered my notes, fired up the mic, and spoke my peace about this movie.
**SPOILER WARNING!** Proceed with caution.
Since this is just myself and no Kevin for this round, it’s not to be considered part of the Method to Madness canon, though he and I might have a followup to this on the podcast in the future.
Awww… He’s a lover AND a fighter!
What is wrong with this picture? (Don't worry, you'll get two chances to guess.)
In the Method to Madness podcast, I’m joined with my good friend Kevin “The Business” Gray to discuss great anime and video games that you should be watching as well as ones you should feel ashamed you are watching.
The Last Airbender is the first of three films planned to theatrically retell the story of Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender in live-aciton. After a decade-long sabbatical from producing good movies, director M. Night Shyamalan sought this as his own personal “Star Wars Trilogy”. Tragically, he chose the wrong Star Wars trilogy.
I should warn you, I draw many parallels between The Last Airbender and Episodes I-III in this review, but only because they’re impossible to ignore.
Watching The Humanoid is like pulling out a iconic curio from a time capsule from the 1980s. Its lead character, Antoinette, is based off of Hajime Sorayama‘s popular gynoid art designs. If ever you’ve seen a Trapper Keeper or Aerosmith album cover, you’ve probably seen his work.
Unfortunately, the plot of this 1986 OVA doesn’t contain much substance beyond the exploits of the robot’s familiar design. A long time from now, in a planet far far away, the royal refugees of a war-torn planet have made a new home for themselves on a lush, primitive planet.
However, some villainous douchebag within the empire seeks to exploit powerful ancient secrets left behind by a lost native civilization to–bum bum BUM–seize the throne and rule the new world.
Wouldn’t you know it: At the same time, our heroes’ cargo ship crash lands on the planet and unravel this sinister plot. Our heroes include such deep, three-dimensional characters as Eric (“the dude”), Dr. Watson (“the scientist”), Sheri (“the daughter”), Alan (“the black guy” or possibly “Lando”), and of course his newest creation: Antoinette (“the robot chick from the video cover, which is why you bought it, possibly mistaking it for SilverHawks“).
As this crew of clichés searches around for means to repair their ship, the robot Antoinette learns about what it means to be human, including our most mystical of emotions, love. The target of her growing affection is Eric, whose engagement with the scientist’s daughter, Sheri she covets; thankfully without murderous ambition. Had this anime drawn farther than a one-shot OVA, it could have easily become just another “Homeboy Gon’ Fuck The Robot”.
It’s no spoiler that Antoinette is not only the key to unraveling the villain’s dastardly scheme, but also is his undoing. The strength of both her robotic body combined with her suddenly-developed womanly heart allow her to bear the deadly energies unleashed by the ancient power, thus saving her love Eric, the Empire, and the world.
There are few redeeming qualities to this anime that would make it worth watching. If you were born after 1985, this anime will likely mean nothing to you. The animation is poor. The plot is hackneyed. And there isn’t even any fanservice for otaku in search of some fembot wank fuel.
I typically shy away from PC games, mostly due to my machine seldom (if not barely) meeting the specs for minimum system requirements. Because of this, I engage in a ritual every few years when I do acquire a new computer: I’ll install a few of my games from 5-8 years past just to see what they look like on a PC that can handle their optimal potential.
This most recent round, the one title out of the handful I’ve re-installed that I found myself continuing to play through is Star Trek: Elite Force II. I know; it’s a guilty pleasure of mine. Up until I found it for under $5 at a used game store years back, I thought the premise of the game was absurd. Here’s the common sense math:
Star Trek + First-Person Shooter + “Elite” in the Title = Butt
Once I sank my teeth into it, however, I was blown away. The Elite Force games—Elite Force II, especially—is beautifully tailored for Star Trek fans. EFII’s single-player campaign is structured around a solid story, faithful in tone with the TNG-era series. As the lead character, you engage in Federation diplomacy, explore mysterious alien cultures, and tangle with Romulans. There’s a token garnish of technobabble, but it’s kept relevant and at a forgivable level.
The game’s most memorable missions place you in situations that any Trekker would gush in assuming a role. The first of which is the initial mission, which takes place during the Voyager series finale and ties EFII to its predecessor, infiltrating a Borg cube. Later, you restore power to a derelict ship, dodging the floating corpses of fallen crewmen. Further still, you’re surgically altered for an espionage mission at a secret Romulan base.
There’s even a level where you’re sent to walk the underside of the Enterprise-E’s saucer section, à la First Contact. I’m the only person on the planet that despised First Contact, yet I couldn’t resist jumping into the turret gun crying, “Come get some, bitches!”
Between missions, you’re able to explore familiar Star Trek locations, like Starfleet Academy and various decks of the Enterprise. Each of these areas are constructed in brilliant detail, successfully immersing you in the Star Trek universe. Each of these moments are a relaxing oasis and returning to them is my thrusting incentive to complete each mission, well beyond the simple satisfaction of victory.
Aw, crap.
What most captures me in EFII is the healthy amount of fan service. It’s subtle; players that don’t pick up on it won’t notice missing it. Those that do are in for a treat. Most of these involve references to previous Star Trek episodes and characters, but there are plenty of Easter Eggs to be found as well. For instance, in the Enterprise library, one of the computer displays shows a profile for the Predator. There’s also a hidden level where you enter a side-scrolling platform game resembling Super Mario Bros.
My favorite feature of the game is the ability to eavesdrop on the conversations of background characters. Aside from story-related dialogue exchanges, there are character-specific subplots, like the running gag of the plant-obsessed ensign annoying each of her crew-mates. There’s even a cantina bar scene where you encounter alien patrons having a discussion that paraphrases the Mos Eisley scene in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi negotiate with Han Solo and Chewbacca.
[ insert pun about observing heavenly bodies ]
Of course, no thorough helping of fan service would be complete without a portion of sex appeal. EFII is on the ball with specimens of polygonal hotness. In fact, the ending cinematic is determined by a dating sim sub-game, where you can hook up with either your tenacious teammate or the busty blond alien chick in the metal bikini. Pimp it up, ye nerds.
My one gripe with the entire Elite Force series is its monsters. While you do face off against plenty of humanoid races, the primary adversary in both games are the same: Bugs. I can forgive their use in the first game since bugs are easy monsters to understand—there’s no remorse in splattering them and they need only be as gross as possible.
[ insert pun about the game being buggy ]
While they’re not the same bugs in EFII, they’re still bugs. That is not acceptable. I’m playing a Star Trek game, not Starship Troopers. The monsters in EFII could have easily been robots, energy beings, clones, or even trained monkeys.
That aside, the game is a must-play for Trek fans, along side Bridge Commander. Though obtaining a copy now will cost significantly more than the pocket change I paid for mine at the time. Because of the conflict between Activision and Viacom shortly after EFII’s release, the game has a slim chance of being re-printed or made available via digital distribution. Thus, I invoke my philosophy on piracy until someone gets their act together on a product with continuing evidence of support and demand.
Last week, I wrote a review for the PSP version of Obscure: The Aftermath for GotGame.com. Unfortunately there were sections from my original draft of the review that didn’t quite make it into the final cut.
I’ve never let good content go to waste, so I present to you here those lost sections…
I’ve been a casual observer to the survival horror genre, preferring to watch my friends play than bear that responsibility myself. All the same, I do have an appreciation for what makes those games good. Hands down, horror games are best played on a TV, in a dark room, and with excitable friends. Mix in some Red Bulls and pizza delivery, and you’ve got a party!
It's just not the same.
It’s a tall order to attempt translating the experience onto a portable platform, like the PSP.
The fear effects are lost when playing on a commute or lunch break, because of the distracting environment. If you do get spooked, it’s embarrassing for your co-workers or surrounding strangers to see you suddenly burst out with, “Oh, shit! Oh, shit!What the damn???”
The best place to play a game like this on a portable device might be in bed with the lights out. That way, if you fling the PSP out of your hands from fright, it will land safely on the foot of your soft blanket.
Meet Amy, your protagonist and female role model.
But if you simply can’t put the game down wherever you may roam, this game’s pacing works out for the best. Each chapter only lasts around 20-35 minutes, depending how sharp you are at solving puzzles or survive attacks.
I did notice an uncomfortable presence of misogyny in the game through its play mechanics. I ran into a situation in an early area while playing as Amy (with her boy toy Kenny in tow) where I needed to enter a building that had all locked doors. The solution was to drag a crate over so that I could climb it to the roof.
Amy is not only unable to move large objects, but she vocally insists Kenny accept the chore, claiming she’s “just a girl”. So Amy has a supposed phenomenal skill at deciphering and breaking near-impossible codes but she’s stumped by large boxes? Is there a legitimate reason why a girl can’t move crates? Or at least combine their efforts? Claire Redfield, Lara Croft, and Ashley Robbins would object.
To the developer’s credit, Amy is acting well within the context of her character. In fact, the first line of her in-game character profile describes her as “Miss Wet T-Shirt Contest” and savors the collected affections of two of the male characters.
Amy’s real-life counterparts are typically sorostitutes adorned in Mardi Gras beads and are especially useless in tasks that don’t involve jell-o shots or Rohypnol.
For more of the work I’ve done for GotGame.com, you can see the full list here.
Okay, so I finally got around to seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I haven’t been that interested since I didn’t like the first movie, but everyone I know wants to talk about it and insisted I see it ASAP. So here goes…
First, I have two words for Sony, Square-Enix, and whomever else figured this out:
THANK YOU.
Amidst the bombardment of anti-climaxes at E3, Final Fantasy VII was finally released onto the PlayStation Network for North America. With that, last week’s Resident Evil: Director’s Cut, and the upcoming Metal Gear Solid release, I think SCEA’s finally realizing what they’d understoon in Japan for years: If you release it, people will buy it (instead of pirate it).
Along side this release came a new media manager application for the PSP. For those like me who don’t own a PS3, we’ve had to rely on the Sony Media Manager software for PC to back-up and manage our files. Given the official announcement of the PSP Go, it’s understandable that they’ll need to revamp that software.
First impression of Media Go: Pain in the ass if you’re transitioning from Media Manager. I’d hoped that while installing Media Go, it would have the insight to search for the Media Manger installation and at least give the option to import all media and back-up files into the Media Go installation. Nope. By default, it only associates your My Documents folder.
Here’s where it becomes a chore: Media Manager gave each of your memory sticks its own profile and folder. I have three memory sticks myself (1GB, 4GB, and 8GB), thus I have three folders filled with back-up files. I now have to search each one out, determine which files are redundant, and then move them into whatever folder I now have set for all of Media Go’s library. I sound like a whiney bitch, sure, but as a consumer, you’d think that Sony would have realized people who have been faithful subscribers to their PlayStation Store service would appreciate a smooth transition into their new platform.
Once you jump through those hoops, it’s all gravy. I like having one library as opposed to seperate memory card profiles because it’s much easier to organize. It also makes sense since all media is associated to one PlayStation account anyway. You can still use Media Manager to manage your files, if you choose, but you will need Media Go in order to access the PlayStation Store. And frankly, once you get used to Media Go, there isn’t much incentive to keep Media Manager around.
This is not an ad.
Another service they’ve added is the ability to buy/rent movies and TV shows to watch on the PSP. It’s not a bad idea, but they’ll need to work on the price points. Buying a movie will cost you around $15 or you can rent for around $4. Depending on the movie, you can buy the full DVD for most of what they have available for about the same price. UMD movies that are still in circulation are as cheap as $5 brand new. And $4 is hardly competitve for what I can get renting the DVD from Blockbuster or Hollywood Video.
Television episodes aren’t as bad, running about $2 per episode. It’s a nice way to grab an episode or two for watching on a trip or a lunch break (if you can’t access Hulu or Crunchy Roll). If nothing else, the price may be worth me avoiding the hassle of ripping and converting my own files.
Well done, Sony. I’m still one who prefers tangible media over digital distribution, but when you start getting it right, I can be swayed to at least get on board.
Before the big anime invasion of the 1990s, America saw Japan as a place of great cultural mystery. Their cars and electronics were flooding into our market, but we still had no clue about Japan outside of old WWII Bugs Bunny cartoons.
But we were curious…
A product of that curiosity is a movie called Gung Ho–released in 1986, directed by Ron Howard and starring Michael Keaton. The plot revolves around a small mid-western town whose lives depend on the local auto factory keeping everyone employed. The factory’s previous owner shut the place down, so Hunt Stevenson (Keaton) flies off to Japan to convince a Japanese auto manufacturer to set up shop there. They accept, there’s a culture clash, but everyone comes to terms in the end.
I enjoy this movie not because it’s not your typical “East meets West and hilarity ensues” comedy, but because of there’s a noteworthy subtext in the film’s message. One that sheds an unpleasant light on American culture. More disturbing is that it’s as relevant now as it was 15 years ago.
As Americans, we’ve been raised in a depraved society for the past couple generations. The movie addresses how the Americans (and we) believe that we’re the best–deserve the best–even though we’ve done little to actually deserve it.
The workers of the town had it pretty cushy and had gotten too used to those comfortable conditions. Even in a situation where they’re desperate to save their families, they whine and moan, with a strong sense of entitlement. They fail to understand that in order to succeed (or sometimes just survive) you have to put your ego aside and bust some serious ass. It escapes them that their lax attitude is what caused the factory to originally fail.
In the movie, the Stevenson is told by the factory’s management that if the workers don’t cooperate, he’ll be fired the plant will be shut down. However, they make the offer that if the factory is able to match the company’s production record (15,000 cars in one month), the plant can stay and everyone receives their previously higher wages.
When Stevenson breaks the news, the workers revolt. In order to get them to agree, Stevenson feeds them a lie that if they settle for 13,000 cars, they get a partial raise. The workers agree to this, setting this as their goal, dismissing the opportunity for a greater reward.
As part of our sense of entitlement, we don’t know what it’s like to work hard for what we want. We’ve been raised instead to accept the silver or bronze medal; to settle for less because it’s easier. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t often work that way. You either fight for the prize or walk away hungry.
By the film’s end (and I don’t mean to spoil it for you), the American workers realize that they’re the ones that have to compromise in order to save their town. Meanwhile, the Japanese warm up to valuing quality time with friends and family as much as the pride in one’s work.
In1992 a similar movie came out, Mr. Baseball, with Tom Selleck, though there’s more of a romantic incentive for his character to conform. Gung Ho is worth at least a rental, though I’m sure you could buy the DVD for under $5. I promise that despite my rantings, it’s a very clever comedy.
Strangely enough, there was a TV series based on the film, starring Scott Bakula in place of Michael Keaton as Hunt Stevenson, though some of the movie’s cast reprise their roles for television. It’s no surprise however that the series only lasted nine episodes, since there’s no way it could live up to the film.
Macross Plus is possibly the most underrated series in the entire Macross franchise. The OVA was a hit when it was first released in 1994, but its flippant cousin, Macross 7, quickly stole its thunder, just months later.
Nevertheless, Macross Plus has gathered a faithful cult following and was remastered into a theatrically released feature film. While its run time was condensed to 90 minutes, audiences were treated to new scenes and songs not found in the OVA. For those who only know the show by its movie version, I encourage your to go out and watch the OVA. Take my word for it; it’s much better.
Just a warning, this review is full of spoilers. I’ve added a cut to keep from ruining the movie for people who have not yet seen it. Though I use the term “ruin” lightly.
Unfortunately, the plot of this 1986 OVA doesn’t contain much substance beyond the exploits of the robot’s familiar design. A long time from now, in a planet far far away, the royal refugees of a war-torn planet have made a new home for themselves on a lush, primitive planet.
Once I sank my teeth into it, however, I was blown away. The Elite Force games—Elite Force II, especially—is beautifully tailored for Star Trek fans. EFII’s single-player campaign is structured around a solid story, faithful in tone with the TNG-era series. As the lead character, you engage in Federation diplomacy, explore mysterious alien cultures, and tangle with Romulans. There’s a token garnish of 
Before the big anime invasion of the 1990s, America saw Japan as a place of great cultural mystery. Their cars and electronics were flooding into our market, but we still had no clue about Japan outside of old WWII Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Macross Plus is possibly the most underrated series in the entire Macross franchise. The OVA was a hit when it was first released in 1994, but its flippant cousin, Macross 7, quickly stole its thunder, just months later.