Play…Until Your Fingers Break!
I’d like to tell you about one of my heroes. He was a pioneer. A man of principle who not only stuck to his beliefs; he made sure the word was spread to all of his cause. I speak of Segata Sanshiro. Segata Sanshiro was the mascot figure in Japan’s Sega Saturn ad campaign. The basic idea behind him was that if you’re not home right now playing Sega Saturn, Segata Sanshiro is gonna hunt you down, find you, and kick your ass. It was beautiful…
Segata Sanshiro didn’t just uphold his way of life upon the masses with his awesome fists of justice, he was also a black belt karate demigod in his own rite. When Japan was in danger of losing the World Cup, Segata Sanshiro stepped in to score the winning goal…by throwing one of the players into the ball. He outran an Olympic speed skater…barefoot. He even scored a home run in baseball…with a roundhouse kick. One time a guy tried to fight him, but one shoulder throw later the poor bastard exploded. He took out an entire dance club with his bare hands. Not even children are safe from his charge, leaving piles of dudes in his wake.
There seemed to be only one weakness to Segata Sanshiro’s virtually invincible power. Zombies. That’s right, Segata Sanshiro just couldn’t seem to defeat zombies. Whenever he would take down a zombie with one of his trademark shoulder throws, the undead fuckers just kept getting back up! I assume somehow he escaped, for he lived to kick ass for another day…
As with all good things, Segata Sanshiro did meet his end. The Sega Saturn needed to stand aside to make way for the upcoming Dreamcast. In the end, Segata Sanshiro gave his life by stopping a missile single-handed from destroying the Sega Headquarters office building. Even before the tragedy of September 11th, Segata Sanshiro was already on the ball in the war against evil terrorist groups.
I find it only fitting that this demise was portrayed in the advertisement for his own game. Yes, Segata Sanshiro was such a recognizable identity that Sega gave him his own game title for the Sega Saturn. (The actor is also the voice of Ryo’s dad in the Japanese version of Shenmue.) So even though he died suddenly when that missile he was redirecting into space exploded, that man will live on in our hearts, immortalized in software for the video game console he loved so much…
Thank you, Segata Sanshiro… Thank you for being a hero to Sega fans all over the world. I can only wish that some day I will honor your memory well by kicking the shit out of anyone for not enjoying Sega’s fine products. (With exception of a lot of the crappy new Sonic games; I gotta have principles of my own.) You truly are and forever shall be the Sega Saturn hero…
Below is a video of the music video of Segata Sanshiro’s theme song. The lyrics have been translated and subtitled. Heed those words, for they are truly crafted with inspiration and gamer pride. Hold back your tears…lord knows I try.
