There’s something that’s been brewing in my brain for a couple years now and I think it’s time I finally put it into writing. One Animazment, I became enamored at one of the weapon booths with a spiked club. Not just for the sheer novelty of it being a brutally barbaric weapon that could easily fall into my possession for a mere $19.95, but because of the epiphany that struck me the moment my eyes lay upon it.

I would like to take the spiked club and market it as the ultimate rape deterrent.

Cuz here’s my thinking: Let’s say that you have this college-aged girl walking home to her dorm late at night. A rapist (or gang of rapists) lunge from the darkness with intent to force themselves upon her. Assuming she’s armed with it, she hits the guy in the face with her trusty pepper spray and escapes. But in this day and age, that’s about all you hear about it, if you do at all. Now, if the girl defended herself by unleashing a spiked club on the sick bastard, that shit will make the fucking papers!

It becomes not so much a method of protection, but to also set an example. If a dude sees in the news how some guy got bludgeoned into a bloody mess after trying to rape a girl, he might be less encouraged to do the same himself. A little can of pepper spray is hardly in any way as intimidating as what kind of pain and damage you can expect from a spiked club.

It also just seems more practical to me… With pepper spray, it’s really only effective on the eyes, so you’re forced to rely on your ability to aim for the offender’s face. All within fractions of a second of an already frantic experience. With a spiked club, you can swing that fucker anywhere and neutralize the threat. Shit, it’s usually best to aim low so you can take his legs out and finish him off while he’s on the ground! You nail a guy to the floor with pepper spray, but what you gonna do then? Spray him again? Even if the spiked club doesn’t get him all the way down, it buys you plenty of opportunity to take another swing at any region of the body, until he’s subdued enough to make an adequate get-away. Plus, with pepper spray, you have limited ammo… No telling when you’ll run out. The spiked club is always locked, loaded, and ready for action.

Yeah, I know, spiked clubs are naturally a lot larger than a can of pepper spray. Well, most women’s bags that I’ve seen have plenty of room to hold a good 12-18″ spiked club. And one of the things I’d like to help develop is perhaps a collapsible model for smaller handbags.

And speaking of development, I see loads of potential for adapting the spiked club for this function. Maybe for those who want to hold on to tradition, we can design a spiked club with a pepper spray built into the handle. That can give the girl options. I also got to thinking about those hand grips that women have on their key chains so they can turn their keys into a weapon… Well, why not have–even if it’s just for novelty–a spiked club with a key chain built onto the handle? Hell, make a Hello Kitty spiked club for that extra girly touch. Why the fuck not?

My point is that I think a spiked club is a far more effective means of protecting women than pepper spray. And if I have enough cash, I’d not only buy one for myself, but also for my girlfriend and my sister to carry around for their own safety.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm and is filed under Business, Health, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.