Recently I was exploring my memories of my arcade experiences, particularly the amount of dorks I’d run into. Now, granted, in any geeky community, there are bound to be it’s batch of losers. And most of them can be pointed out by the ones that recurrently ponder which two unrelated fictional characters would win in a fight. Back when Capcom started producing the “Versus” series of their fighting games, I witnessed these hypothetical proposals increase by folds.

It pisses me off because for over a decade, that’s the most common response when I hear fighting game fanboys talk about what they’d like to see in the future of fighting games. Is that really where the limits are drawn in our imaginations? Can we not think outside the box, beyond just more of the same that we’ve been handed in the past? Are we limited to only sequels or crossovers? If that were really true, would we have such great new series out there like Guilty Gear or Melty Blood? No, of course not! Can we please openly put the blame on ourselves for expressing the demand for more sequels/crossovers, which lead to the abomination that is Capcom Fighting Jam?

The most common, as you may easily guess, was the constant longing for a Marvel Vs. DC fighting game. To this day, fucktards in fighting game message boards across the web long to see this video game come to be. Well, thank goodness that it’s no longer (if ever) a legal possibility, because no matter how one could try, it could never happen!

The only reason why Marvel characters work in a fighting game scenario is because most of their characters are defined by their powers. And while nerds may argue endlessly over the mathematics of their individual stats, you can easily bullshit around that and create a balance. You can’t do that with DC characters because while many of them do have fantastic powers, their characters are defined by the skills they possess and the application by which they use their abilities. So in the DC cast, you have an obvious unbalance of raw superpowers.

The two perfect examples of this reside in their two most popular characters: Superman and Batman, of which you can’t have any DC-centered ensemble cast without. Superman is nigh-invulnerable and possesses powers from almost every corner of the spectrum. If he doesn’t have one specific power, he can use the ones he does have to accomplish the same task Superman doesn’t even need the rest of the Justice League other than to keep him company. So there’s no way you can have a fighting game with him in it and ever hope for it to be believably balanced.

Then there’s Batman, who is the exact opposite. Batman has no super powers whatsoever. His abilities are based in his intelligence and skills. Pit him in a fist fight with just about any superhuman character, and he’s toast. Of course, many geeks out there will quote, “Yeah, but… In The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller, Batman almost kills Superman!” Yes. If given a week to formulate a plan, gather the necessary tools and resources, and also enlisted a couple other superhero buddies to give him a hand, Batman could in fact kill Superman. But that’s not how a Street Fighter style game works… Fighting games are one-on-one, on the fly.

Think of it like a bar fight. Say both Superman and Batman are in a bar one night and Batman slaps his hand down and says, “Alright, fuck it, let’s go!” right in Superman’s face. Superman would shatter Batman’s body with his freeze breath while simultaneously melting his face before the caped crusader’s beer mug hit the floor. Superman wouldn’t even have to get up from his stool; the most he’d have to do is turn his head! And if Superman was feeling sporting enough to use his fists, he would fuckin’ destroy Batman! One punch and Batman’s done…no contest. In a physical fight, Superman could fucking eat most of the DC characters.

Come to think of it… I don’t know why Superman doesn’t do that. Why doesn’t Superman eat people?? I mean, he’s a figure of righteousness, so he stands firm on his policy of not killing, no matter how dangerously twisted his villains may be. Wouldn’t that be an acceptable loophole? Cuz it’s not like he’d be murdering Lex Luthor if he simply used him as a food source. And it can’t be considered cannibalism, because remember that Superman isn’t human…he’s an alien being from another planet. God dammit! I want to see Superman eating more people!

Anyway, that tangent aside… While you can take a decent selection of DC’s characters to make a balanced video game, you can’t do it using the most essential of heroes and still maintain any credibility. And for those geeks eager to point out the Sega Genesis game, I’m aware of it and I think it proves my point.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 16th, 2007 at 5:40 pm and is filed under Games, Rants, Street Fighter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.