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A new job opportunity has been presented to me, which is good news. At least, that’s the chant I use to rescue myself from anxiety. There’s some internal kung-fu being waged within me in order to psych myself up. I’m still stained by depression and it’s a stain that may never wash out, but this particular situation affects me all the way back to the original spill.
I suppose my mind has always been fertile ground for depression, but it was a single moment while working at my previous job that planted the first seed to take root.
While I was away at Dragon*Con this past weekend, another major event was taking place on the West Coast: PAX Prime. Catching up on my social media feeds has left me shocked–SHOCKED!–regarding the comments (later clarified) Mike Krahulik made during his candid Q&A. Not by the comments themselves, but how they actually metered a reaction.
After the whole Dickwolves controversy (which was three years ago) I think people have more or less decided how they feel about Penny Arcade. The people stupefied by Mike’s comments knew about the history of that issue…yet they still chose to participate. Posting tweets and blogs about their disappointment for this new dot along the timeline isn’t going to tip anyone else’s scales.
Adam Carolla once said, “Don’t waste time thinking of ways to save a nickel. Think of ways to make a buck.”
I like to approach fitness with the same attitude. You can count calories all you like and it may help belay you from getting worse, but it won’t help you get healthier. So instead of focusing on what I can and can’t eat, I focus more attention toward looking for ways to be active and burn it off.
I haven’t had much time to blog since my move, but already I can tell my new home is the perfect incubator for a long-overdue metamorphosis.
The new apartment itself is much more economical; and not just in “$:ft²”. Separating my office and living room allows (or rather, commands) me more focused attention during my stay in each. It’s a configuration where I might get shit done. Achieve goals. Meet deadlines. That is, if I had any. Still in my montage, but next year… Next year.
Six weeks into my new fitness kick and I’m a little disappointed. I’ll lose ~5lbs one week, then gain them back the next. The good news is that I’ve been feeling better on the inside. That is, I have more energy, stamina, and I have a much more positive attitude. I just wish the signs of improvement were more visible on the outside as well.
I’ve been getting in 30-40min of cardio six days per week with some kind of lifting every other day. Of course I could be doing a a lot more of each, but I’m only now getting into the habit of doing them. Using MyFitnessPal, I’ve been tracking my intake, which has been a BIG help. I’ve been using the general rule of thumb that most fitness philosophies agree upon: Take in about 200 more calories than your daily Resting Metabolic Rate and burn 400 calories through exercise. Just about everything beyond that is just matching with exercise whatever additional calories you take in.
Last night I had a dream so real that I wish it was.
In this dream, I participated in an online controversy. Somewhere amidst The Internet, some Tumblr tard posted some comically foolish remarks. They were likely sexist or racist or perhaps some SJW rhetoric. In response, a few internet comedians produced a video mocking the person for the nonsense he’d said.
Somehow, this lit up The Internet, generating a buzz across Twitter, message boards, and every social network imaginable. On one side, there were those who defended the first guy, regardless of what he said, marking him a victim of cyber-bullying and social oppression. Meanwhile, on the other side, there were folks who believed that the comedians were right in spotlighting the idiot and ridiculing him for his awful comments.
This is just a quick update to help track my progress. As stated in the podcast, I have next to no goals for 2013. With exception of moving into a new apartment, attending a couple conventions, and (gods willing) lose 50lbs. This whole year is going to be my Rocky montage so that I can be in a position to contend against greater goals in 2014.
After two weeks, my “Get Off Your Ass and Move, Fatty!” fitness program is succeeding! I’ve lost 5lbs and I’m already feeling miles away from the gravity well of depression I was experiencing just a month ago.
Hindsight is 20/20…or at least 20/25, I’d say. Certainly, there’s a clarity of focus; assuming there aren’t any obstructions or distortions to the lens.
One of my favorite subjects of study is human behavior and romance. To quote Doc Brown, “Time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: Women.” The broader my comprehension expands, the more I look back and notice clues I’d failed to notice in the past. Apparently, there were quite a few girls in my teens and 20s that were into me–some quite overtly–but my ignorance and self-esteem blinded me to it. Read more
One recurring element in my dreams is that I will neglect pets. Often during the course of my dream’s main plot, I’ll have small pets of some kind. Most often, it’s rabbits (likely because I used to have caged rabbits growing up), but sometimes it’s hamsters or mice or occasionally small cats.
At some point, I’ll realize that I’ve grossly neglected them–I’ll have not fed them for days or changed their litter for weeks. The animals will be sick or at least crazed in desperation to survive. Naturally, the dream will mostly come to a halt as I’m washed over with guilt and scramble to take care of them. Read more
Dragon*Con was an affair to remember, without a doubt. Four days of non-stop partying and shaking hands with gods… It was like Mardi Gras for nerds.
It didn’t turn out to be the religious experience that I’d hoped, BUT it was a much-needed vacation. I don’t think I’ve had a true vacation in many, many years. My trip to Dragon*Con may not have inspired me with purpose, but has it rejuvenated me. It’s given me a joie de vivre that I’ve been missing and a hunger to seek out similar excitement in life. I suppose that may be the same as inspiration; even if I’m just chasing that dragon. Read more